so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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