just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
