i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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