we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
