Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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