med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
