But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
