honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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