I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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