I puked a lego.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
