I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
