whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
