You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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