My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
