As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
