I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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