You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
