Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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