I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
