Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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