you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
worst night to have a conscience
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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