I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
