i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
