I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
