he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
