Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
