You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm really busy with my period
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