He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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