I'm so fucking centered right now
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
