I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
