dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
