I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize