oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
