He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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