Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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