so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
