you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
