I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
