Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
