Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize