thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize