so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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