It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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