Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize