Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Less talking, more tequila
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
