Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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