the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
