Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
