God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
sarcasm needs its own font
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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