i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
