mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
