My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize