so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize