how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize