Buhtt sex?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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