So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
