Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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