My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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