That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize