You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
