Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He better not be in your backpack
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
