my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
