A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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