Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
