Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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