Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
