I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
