i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
