You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
