Fuck appropriateness.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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