he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
